Friday, September 25, 2009

we all need to tighten our belts

Now all those who have been cribbing about 'Dil Bole Hadippa' do not know that it is a stalwart effort to pitch into the recent austerity drive undertaken by the government. How so, you say? Well, for instance:

1. Rani Mukherjee summoned Manish Malhotra to her bouidoir. The floor was covered in old costumes from 'Bunty and Babli', 'Chalte Chalte' and 'Laaga Chunari Mein Daag'. "Cut and trim these, Manishji, and make new out of old", she pleaded and Manishji did just that.

2. For most of the film, Rani dressed as a Sardar boy in dreary tracksuits and a white pagdi. She let her freckles show and saved tons of expensive MAC make-up.

3. Shahid Kapoor did not have a haircut throughout the shoot schedule. He is soon going to auction his mane on Farah Khan's show 'Tere Mere Beach Mein' to the highest equestrian bidder, and give the money to Rahul Gandhi to fund his next undercover foray into Uttar Pradesh.

4. Shahid also re-used the character and expressions from 'Jab we Met', i.e. a cold blank look, and minimal smiling. As all beauticians will tell you, this reduces wrinkling, thereby reducing the need for Botox and other surgical treatments necessary for actors at a later age.

5. Sherlyn Chopra and Rakhi Sawant as usual supported the cause with enthusiasm and loyalty by wearing just enough clothing to avoid nudity, thereby saving on fabric costs.

6. Pritam rehashed old tracks from 'Jab We Met', 'Singh is King' and several other films, thereby saving lots of creative energy and earning many carbon points. Julius Packiam saved on scoring background music tracks by reusing old tunes from old Yash Raj films.

7. Ditto for Jaideep Sahni, who worked with 50 words, scrambling them over and over again to create 7songs. This has also created a new game for the listener, called 'Unscramble' which will be launched soon by YRF in association with Big.

8. Ditto for Vaibhavi Merchant - same old, same old.

9. Jaya and Aparajita wrote dialogue for 30 mins of the film and then used it as a loop through the film. They also used Indira Gandhi, Jhansi Ki Rani and Kiran Bedi as references for the closing speech on women's emancipation. This has saved many forests. Also, since the actors needed to learn fewer lines, it meant shorter rehearsal time and shorter shooting schedules, saving on production cost and workers' wages.

10. The line producer Padam Bhushan saved on location manager fees, location recce costs and location hire costs as he decided that the mustard fields used in previous Yash Raj Films would continue to work their magic, especially since they are now given to Yash Raj Films at a phenomenal discount.

11. Wherever there are excesses, they are used to the maximum, since no waste is gain. For e.g 4 bowls of expensive dry fruit are quaffed by Anupam Kher and Dalip Tahil while they sit on drawing room sofas in the middle of nowhere, watching cricket matches. It should be made public knowledge that the 4 bowls were covered with cling film between takes and thus used throughout the shoot in various scenes. Also, takes were kept to a minimum to reduce the amounts of dry fruit quaffed by the veteran actors.

12. Similarly, Sudeep Chatterjee used all the camera equipment given to him to maximum limits. No track, crane, jimmy jib was left idle for even a single minute on set, the camera was kept moving throughout to ensure that money's worth was extracted.

13. Poonam Dhillon was taken off the shelf - what a beautiful example of recycling!

14. Through out the making of the film, the director Anurag Singh stayed away from the set. Thereby he not only abstained from his director's fees, but also accomodation, food and other perks. Yash Raj Films cannot show their gratitude to him enough.

15. Particularly since Anurag helped them in their endeavour to make a fabulous flop. The common masses stayed away from the film and the middle class and the poor of the nation learnt how not to spend their hard earned money on cinema tickets. A valuable lesson indeed!


SUR NOTES said...

point no 6: i still allow my heart to break for what bollywood has done to pritam.

the rest: pass me the bowl of dry fruits, i need to re-read a damn good retelling of the film!

ps. will i stop being a rani fan if i see the fim?

Kaevan said...

not biting enough ;)

and they also saved on the hero by getting rani to play both the hero and the heroine. shahid, in contrast, was just a special appearance

memsaab said...

Ha ha!!!! You crack me up. Poonam Dhillon recycled=priceless!

susie said...

Ha ha...awesome...
I didn't mind the movie but I absolutely loved reading this!

bollyviewer said...

Awww... is it so bad? I was looking forward to watching it in the theatres - so long since Rani's last flick.

But recycling of old actresses seems like a very noble cause to me. Most of them are beautiful and can ACT! I hope someone resurrects Neetu Singh soon, and for more than a cameo.

dipali said...

Banno, much as I loved your review, I actually enjoyed the movie thoroughly!
I guess the predictability worked for me!

Amrita said...

hee hee hee... this is the only good thing to have come out of that movie. Oh, this and Boney Kapoor saying Rani looks like a 10 yr old boy.

So was this worse than Thoda Pyaar Thoda Magic? Coz my eyes are still recovering from that mess.

Violet said...

Great review! Now I need to watch the movie to validate it ;-) Am so starved for good cinema.

Banno said...

Sur, I stopped being a Rani fan ages ago. Pritam - I feel sad too.

Kaevan, going off to sharpen my teeth.

Memsaab, Suzie, :)

Bollyviewer, unfortunately Poonam Dhillon is not given any role where she can act. Just subjected to some wierd pawing by Anupam Kher in the name of flirting.

Dipali, it happens sometimes. Guess it's a frame of mind.

Amrita, now that you've reminded me of Thoda Pyaar Thoda Magic, Dil Bole Hadippa is seeming decent.

Violet, see it. I love watching bad films.

Anonymous said...

Banno, awesome review!! Delightful. Now I know what not to watch the coming weekend...

Shweta Mehrotra Gahlawat said...

"Poonam Dhillon was taken off the shelf - what a beautiful example of recycling!"- fabulous! Didnt want to watch it earlier, but am almost tempted to watch this disaster after reading you :)

ramsub said...

This movie also had several themes, thus assuaging the need to make other movies on those themes (and saving the money that would have been spent on them). At last count this movie was about, Patriotism, India-Pakistan peace, NRI Issues, Feminism, Bhartiya Nari Pride, love and cricket. Whew! Oh yeah there was also Divorce (when will Bollywood learn to leave happily separated individuals alone?)

B said...

aww how sad.

banno at wordpress

I'm moving to wordpress. I'll miss blogger, especially the fab blogroll feature. But my blog has been virtually impossible to open o...